Christmas: Eat, drink and be merry! (for 1 minute)

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS by Lauren NOT CARRIE.

1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat.. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day ?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I really do love a good laugh! No, I don’t support any of these, but it’s Christmas, so enjoy.

Special thanks to Julie for sending this to me.  You know, I sometimes think you are on a personal mission to cause me to have a stroke!

 

 

Comments

comments

4 comments

  1. Merry Christmas to you Carrie & all fellow bootcampers. I will try hard to follow only ONE of the above Holiday tips ahahah. Stay strong everyone. See you all in the New Year. Bootcamp will be back before we know it!!
    I personally cannot wait !! Merry Christmas!!

  2. Merry Christmas to all of You. I have made new “Bootcamp Friends” this year and enjoy the support. Just prior to coming to the computer I wrote out a list of excercises that I plan on doing everyday / or as close to as possible. Hope to see all of you after the break. Enjoy in a healthy way.

  3. I love this!!! I shared it in the staff room at school and we all enjoyed it. Have a Merry Christmas everyone. As for me, I’m going back to the treat table at work …!!!

  4. This is hilarious!!! Carrie and fellow boot campers…Merry Christmas and a very Happy Healthy New Year, have a great one. See you in 2012, Cheers 12

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