Confessions of an addict

There was a lot of great feedback from my last blog post.  Thank you for that.  Who knew that me talking about my stretch marks would interest anyone!

Fitness is my passion.  I love that a body can change.  I love that you can get noticeably stronger within a week of being diligent with exercise; that is a big deal people!!!  Re-read that!  You can get noticeably stronger within a week of being diligent with exercise.

I love being a part of everyone’s journey.  I love, I mean I LOVE seeing someone start boot camp who hasn’t worked out in a while and within weeks is churning out push-ups.  People that could only walk when they started are running in a short period of time.  I love that I get to be a part of that.  I get to be a part of that transformation.

ADDICTION: When one cookie is never enough

My journey in health is an ongoing one.  Here is something that I have never talked about….I am an addict.

I didn’t get to 225lbs as a teenager because of some medical condition….I ate my way there. When I got pregnant the first time,  I ate my way to a 60lb weight gain…and then repeated that (and then some) when I was pregnant with the twins.

My addiction?  Food.  I have a food addiction.  There I said it, in print.  I’ve tried to be cute about it.  I have called myself a “foodie” or “food expert”.  Oh yeah, expert.  If you do enough of anything, you can call yourself and expert and I ate enough of everything and anything!

Here is the thing with a food addiction; you can’t get away from it.  You need food to survive.  Drugs, alcohol, and other addictions, (even the creepy ones from that show Addiction on TLC-which by the way I am oddly fascinated by) can be taken out of your life and you live.  You can’t do that with food.  Take food away and the result is really dramatic, death.   So everyday, and I mean everyday, it’s a challenge for me to make good decisions.  I know what to do and I do it but boy some days I do struggle.  When I say, I know how you feel, I really do.  I battle my addiction hourly.

I don’t keep junky food in the house, because I will eat it.  Recovering crack addicts don’t leave crack on the counter, stretch analogy I know, but junk food is my crack.  Think of it this way, food is everywhere.  I have to go grocery shopping a few times a week.  I go a list in hand, focused on the goal;  To get in and get out with what is on the list.

Think about Costco…..oh lord….Costco, how I love you but once I walk in I have to go into a trance like state.  If it’s not the nice ladies offering food samples at every friggin’ isle, then it’s that bakery making their ginormous muffins. (*shaking my fists*, dang you Costco and those ginormous muffins).

If you are a crack addict, you have to go looking for crack.  It is not readily available, it is not in your office (hopefully). People don’t bring it to your house (again, I hope they don’t).

Food is everywhere and so many things are focused around it.  Weddings, birthdays, new job, new house, baby, newly pregnant and on and on.  And just when you think you’ve celebrated everything possible with food, people look for more ways to celebrate things with food.  Ever been invited to a pre-kindergarten graduation party??

“HELLO!”, food addict here, could we find a way to celebrate around something that doesn’t scream at me?  How about a nice buffet table of, I don’t know…floral arrangements?  All the self-talk I have to do to get thru some of these “celebrations” is tough.

The question I get a lot is “what do you eat?”  If not that question, it is the statement “I bet all you eat is vegetables”.

Listen, you put a red velvet cupcake within arms length of me, watch out….I can have that sucker inhaled in seconds when my willpower is at a zero.

Some foods are my kryptonite, scratch that…one thing is my kryptonite….sugar……sugar brings me to my knees….cold sweats, internal negotiating, justifications, the shakes…..it is quite exhausting.

One thing that helps me, is knowing (and remembering) how absolutely crappy it felt to be 225.  I hated everything, and how every time I squeezed into size 18/20 pants it destroyed a little piece of me.

All the candy or red velvet cake in the world will never be worth going back to being bigger, or the feelings that brought about.

If you take away anything from this, take this……I have more energy and I am happy because I am at a healthy weight.

I also think about my family.  I LOVE my husband and my kids more than anything…and I don’t want my health or my addiction to affect my life with them. I want to live a long life.

So if you are struggling with your weight and you justify having that cake, the extra glass of wine or the fries…your body will never change.   You will always be tired and have lower energy then you could otherwise have.  You will always be looking for that next diet, magic pill, potion or lotion.  It’s really that simple.

If I can do it, you can do it too, believe that!!

Comments

comments

18 comments

  1. I too am a food addict!! But forget the sugar…. Dark Choc, Pizza, and Beer are my weaknesses. Now though, when I go to boot camp and work my butt off (really!), it’s just not worth eating the ‘crap’ I use to. ‘Crap’ meaning processes foods.

    My first 8 weeks with Carrie rules – no ‘crap’, including alcohol and boot camp 3 Xs a week – was the best thing that ever happened to me. I felt 100 Xs better and now that I know how good I feel when I eat right – it makes it easier to turn down the ‘crap’. I still want it, I still indulge, but more often than not, I can pass it by. 🙂

    8 weeks is nothing in a lifetime!! And now my lifetime is sooooo much better!!

    Thx C!!

  2. Hi my name is Kelley and I am a food addict…
    I think that is how it goes…but I am trying to replace my food addiction with a fitness one…and I am happy to say it is working! Each time I look at something that brings me to my knees (a passion flaky) I just say to myself “how long would it take me to work it off”…I usually move on….oh and go to BC….thanks Carrie!!

    1. LOL Kelley you are so funny!!! Look how far you have come…..WOW!!! You have made such an effort and it shows!!!! The passion flakey or red velvet cupcake will never be worth it…..we just have to keep saying it!!!

  3. hahahaha carrie you make me laugh!
    those muffins at cosco really are delcious… what are in those sweet things anyways? I am also a food addict.. I think everyone is guilty of having some sort of food addiction… if only we were addicted to fruits and veggies.. that would be nice.

    great post!

  4. Like Amy I too gave myself the 8 weeks of no crap rule and it paid off! I thought I would die after that first boot camp experience (for lack of a better word). I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I promised myself I had to complete the 8 week challenge.

    That was one of the best decisions I have ever made!! The pounds started to melt away, my strength and confidence grew and my clothes were getting too big. There was no way I was going back and I haven’t. Running an extra 4 laps around the park to burn the calories of one cookie (no matter how good it might have been ) was not worth it for me.

    50+ pounds lighter and still loving boot camp!

    Like Amy I too may “indulge” once in a while but I will pay for it later so those times are few and far between.
    Thank you Carrie for the motivation to keep going and to all my boot camp buddies I have met along the way.

    1. HUrricane–you are fabulous….you always have great energy no matter what the situation!!! You are a boot camp rock star! When I see you doing those push ups on your toes, I feel like a proud mama!!! You are an inspiration and a role model!!!!

  5. Sometimes it’s hard to believe Carrie has a weakness! It’s one thing to tell me you used to be fat and show me that picture (which I still don’t believe is you….fair skin and red hair, hmmmm); it’s totally different to hear the specifics, like the ones in this post. When you told me about the buns with cinammon butter at Texas Roadhouse and how you were obsessed with that cake at Amy’s shower, that’s what really hit home with me. I finally saw that you faced the same day to day struggles as me and made me realize that I CAN do this.
    Although, I have lost 20lbs since starting bootcamp I have not reached my goal (not even close actually) and I know it will take a lot more work, focus, and will power to get me there. In the last few weeks I have been wondering if that goal is truly attainable, and if I could be happy with the weight I’m at now. The truth is, I’m not happy with myself yet. This post and our little chats help me immensely Carrie, I’m not giving up that goal!!!

  6. Once again Carrie, excellent post. Sugar is also my weakness and it’s a daily struggle. Nice to hear someone else being honest about things like this!

  7. I never really thought of it as a food addiction…
    But I guess it is for me too. Mine is Chocolate – I know I should cut it all out, but you don’t want to see me if I do. (tried before – NOT pretty!!)
    I am working on moderation – and working towards very little.
    My Mum use to tell everyone that she was allergic to chocolate – I think I was 20 before I found out that she wasn’t!!
    So for me Boot Camp twice a week and a game of indoor soccer a week. Cut back the crappy foods. Making some headway – not as fast as I hoped. But getting there.
    Thanks for all your support Carrie!
    And to all the fellow boot campers that give me that smile while we are working out – to let me know, you know how hard it is too.

  8. Wow… I loved that blog…. I am so a food addict… my weakness… chips and fries…and you are so right about every celebration having food as a focal point. Question is how do we change it…. I would be lying if I said I can resist…I know all I have to do is think…What would Carrie do…..
    Thanks Carrie for all your encouraging words and for boot camp…. See you Saturday morning. 9 am.

  9. Carrie, I am so glad to hear that you’re Normal!!! I must say that my willpower has been so wonderful lately. Even though I haven’t been to boot camp in awhile due to being very sick :*( I have noticed a change in my body. I didn’t think I would see such things but when you eat right and your focused, you have more energy and such high self-esteem. I am truely greatful for my body. Thank you for all your help and encouraging words. It really helps.

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